Disappointment
For months now I have wondered if I have disappointed the educators that molded me into an educator. I went to college to learn how to be a teacher. And I loved it. Everything seemed to come naturally to me, and things just clicked. And honestly, I really was good at it.
My work won competitions and scholarships.
My professors told me that I had what it took to become one of "the greats". That they looked forward to my bright future as an educator.
My mentor teacher during student teaching told me that I was the best student teacher she had had in years.
And then after student teaching I moved to the middle of nowhere in the San Juan Mountains to teach children through outdoor education. I wanted to experience another side of the education profession, and I did love it. I taught lessons that met the state standards, and the kids and I had a blast! You know, things like hydrology and the water cycle whilst canoeing. Forestry while mountain biking. Zoology while doing high ropes. And my personal favorite, astronomy!
After that, I went to Camp Eagle. I was under the impression when I was hired that I would be working more with their outdoor education program, but circumstances within the management changed, and so I mainly stuck with the retreats department (although I did work with schools and lesson plans quite a bit, as well).
I was happy to be working in ministry and using my education and certification in a non-conventional way. But I started to miss teaching in a classroom. Having the same students every day instead of for just a weekend or one week. And my mind started wandering to the professionals who poured so much time and energy into me.
Would they be disappointed to know that I chose to explore other areas of educating young minds? Would they be disappointed in me for not blazing exciting mathematical and scientific trails through public schools?
Part of me is tempted to apologize. To say "I'm sorry I didn't go right into teaching in classrooms. I'm sorry it seems like I disregarded your time and efforts. I'm just...sorry." But I can honestly say that I know it was God's will for me to go to Redcloud and then Camp Eagle working in outdoor education. I know that I would not be married to Matt if I had not done those things. And I know that I have gained valuable experience that will aid me in a classroom, provided I can get a teaching job. And honestly, I know I grew up a lot.
But I still can't shake that feeling that they would be disappointed. Or already are.
My work won competitions and scholarships.
My professors told me that I had what it took to become one of "the greats". That they looked forward to my bright future as an educator.
My mentor teacher during student teaching told me that I was the best student teacher she had had in years.
And then after student teaching I moved to the middle of nowhere in the San Juan Mountains to teach children through outdoor education. I wanted to experience another side of the education profession, and I did love it. I taught lessons that met the state standards, and the kids and I had a blast! You know, things like hydrology and the water cycle whilst canoeing. Forestry while mountain biking. Zoology while doing high ropes. And my personal favorite, astronomy!
After that, I went to Camp Eagle. I was under the impression when I was hired that I would be working more with their outdoor education program, but circumstances within the management changed, and so I mainly stuck with the retreats department (although I did work with schools and lesson plans quite a bit, as well).
I was happy to be working in ministry and using my education and certification in a non-conventional way. But I started to miss teaching in a classroom. Having the same students every day instead of for just a weekend or one week. And my mind started wandering to the professionals who poured so much time and energy into me.
Would they be disappointed to know that I chose to explore other areas of educating young minds? Would they be disappointed in me for not blazing exciting mathematical and scientific trails through public schools?
Part of me is tempted to apologize. To say "I'm sorry I didn't go right into teaching in classrooms. I'm sorry it seems like I disregarded your time and efforts. I'm just...sorry." But I can honestly say that I know it was God's will for me to go to Redcloud and then Camp Eagle working in outdoor education. I know that I would not be married to Matt if I had not done those things. And I know that I have gained valuable experience that will aid me in a classroom, provided I can get a teaching job. And honestly, I know I grew up a lot.
But I still can't shake that feeling that they would be disappointed. Or already are.
Comments
Lauren- I worked at Camp Eagle in a job that had NOTHING to do with my education, I stayed at home with my child while we pulled each other's hair out, and I spent the last three years working in accounting when all I really wanted to do was English. Do you think my past mentors and professors are disappointed in me?
No. Because they are all MENTORS. They KNOW that life happens, things don't go according to plan, trails are taken that don't go down the path you thought they would.
The only disappointment they might have is if you chose to waste your talents, and those span beyond traditional education even if that's where they ultimately end up.
Keep your head up dear. Love
child's learning in their own hands. You showed them
where the concepts apply in their daily world! This is what it
means to be a teacher. I think our profs would be so proud
of you because you are already one of the greats!
Wherever you end up, you know what it takes to bring the
world and life into the classroom wherever that takes
place. Be encouraged and know that God is truly working in
your life and that I have no doubt you will continue making
a difference in the lives of our little ones. Best of luck! And
I will continue to pray for you and matt! Have a blessed
new year and keep trucking! :-) -Molly McCarty
You didn't answer my fb message, btw ;)
And Kit, you, as well.
Molly - you are so right! It seems like forever ago when we had our methods semester. That was such a fun semester - we had so many good teachers and good times! ;)
All three of you - thanks so much for your insight! I had not considered it all in the light that you brought up. I think it's just been a bit difficult for me to read about all my friends from college who are teaching now, and sometimes I feel like I am the only one who didn't go straight into teaching in a classroom setting.
But sometimes it just takes some friends to shed light on the situation from a different angle, and I really appreciate it!