Sunday, 30 November 2008


adjusting to life after student teaching has been a rather difficult process. i still wake up in the morning and think about my students. what are they learning today? how are they doing? i miss them!

after having 801 things to do every single day and not stopping at all, a period of not having to do anything in particular is rather confusing and boring! i have had some down time...some time in which i have done a lot of reading and some movie watching. i have slept a ton! but you can only have so much r&r before you begin to go CRAZY.

hopefully tomorrow i will have a job lined up...i need the money terribly!

also tomorrow is a visit to the gastrointerologist, and then tutoring. busiest day in a while!

i did tackle my room today, which made today quite productive! it was crossing the line of messy, and i can't stand messy and unorganized. so for about 3 hours i sorted, organized, got rid of things, threw things away, read paperwork, took care of paperwork, vaccuumed, dusted, and put up my mini Christmas tree! while i was doing those things, i was also putting music from my itunes onto cds...productive afternoon!

and final tidbit: as of today, dairy queen is carrying their yule flip peppermint chip blizzard! this is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE! i actually called them to see if they had it yet (hey, no sense in driving out there if they don't have what i want!)!!! yummmmmm......... :)

Sunday, 23 November 2008

matters of the heart

about a month ago, i had a really stressful weekend. it was full of drama and misunderstandings, and i was REALLY upset about it. when i went to sleep that sunday evening, i was still very unsettled, and waking up the next morning proved that it was still an issue! i made it to school alright, but i felt like i was on speed (note: i have never done drugs, but i would imagine this is what it feels like to be on speed). during first period (our off period), i started wondering if i was having a panic attack - my heart was racing, i couldn't breathe, i was all shaky, and i felt like i had just chugged 14987973 cans of red bull. within an hour, the feeling somewhat subsided, but not completely. the rest of the day i just didn't feel well. i checked my pulse during our teaming period (keep in mind all i was doing was sitting) and my pulse was 102. just sitting. not moving. (most people say "that's not high!", but for kinda is. normal for me is in the 70s) i checked it again during aim, when i was just standing in the back of the room, leaning against the wall, not moving. it had gone up to 108. i never checked it while i was up moving around actively teaching (hmmm wonder why?!) but i am kinda glad i didn't - probably better not to know ;)

after school i was still feeling odd and my pulse was still high, so i called the doctor. they were able to get me in that afternoon and they ran all sorts of fun tests on me. they took my blood pressure (excellent) and did an ekg (mostly normal). 2 things they noticed on the ekg - 1) my pulse was still quite high (i was almost asleep when they ran the test), and 2) i had some strange, random heartbeats. it was like my heart was beating normal, but then it would just spaz out and beat really hard all of a sudden, and not in time with the other beats. this is apparently normal, but for some reason, my heart was doing it more than what it should.

my doctor proceeded to ask me questions such as: "are you on any flu or cold medicine?" (no...i am not ill...), "have you had a lot of caffeine?" (no...i actually haven't had any...i don't drink coffee, tea or soda), "are you stressed?" ( that you mention it, i think i am!) she decided it must be stress but wanted to run some blood work to make sure i do not have a hyperthyroid disorder (i have also lost between 10-15 pounds since moving, but have not really tried). to conclude our appointment, she put me on what i fondly refer to as my heart-stopper pills (some medicine to slow my heart down) and sent me on my merry, shaky, spastic way.

a week and a half later the medicine still had not seemed to fully kick in. every morning before i got out of bed, my pulse was already over 90 and my chest was beginning to hurt pretty consistently. so i called the doctor again and explained my situation. they doubled my medicines and told me to schedule another appointment. i doubled my medicine, and my pulse was STILL above 90 before i got out of bed every morning, but my chest didn't hurt so much, and i didn't feel like i was going crazy anymore.

this past tuesday i went back to the doctor and they checked the vitals again - blood pressure (still excellent), pulse (still high), and oxygen levels (because i always feel like i can't breathe...but they came out normal). she asked me all the same questions again: "are you on any flu or cold medicine?" (no...i am still not ill...), "have you had a lot of caffeine?" (no...i actually haven't had any...i still don't drink coffee, tea or soda), "are you stressed?" (yes...i suppose). then she followed up with a new question: "are you taking any supplements or natural herbs/remedies?" (no...). she was clearly at a loss as to what is causing my problem. she informed me that she doesn't believe i have any serious condition (always nice to hear, especially when your heart is concerned!), but she wants to send me to a cardiologist for an echocardiogram, which will tell us if my heart is anatomically correct. supposedly the cardiologist was supposed to call me (i don't even know which office it is), but that never happened. therefore, i get to call them tomorrow and see what is going down!

the strange thing is, i don't feel stressed. i don't sit here and think about all my troubles all day long. i don't worry. i am still on double my initial dose of heart-stopper pills, and my pulse is still high, and my chest constantly hurts! so...please pray that i get a hold of the cardiologist and they figure out why my body refuses to work the way it is supposed to! :)

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

they say that breaking up is hard to do

it's 11:13 on a tuesday night. and i am awake. i am awake because i do not have to get up at 5 tomorrow. i do not have to get up at 5 tomorrow because i do not have to go to school tomorrow. i do not have to go to school tomorrow because i finished my student teaching...yesterday.

i cannot even begin to explain how strange it feels. this morning i woke up at 8:30. i spent 2 hours straightening out certification stuff, paying fees, and registering to get fingerprinted. then i took a shower and went back to my old job to talk to them about possibly working there through Christmas. we will see how that goes....... :/ then i went and tutored one of my students, and came home. no papers to grade. no lesson plans to think about. after living the crazy buzy jam packed life of a teacher for the past 3 months, i just didn't even know what to do with myself today. granted, i did a lot of things, but it just didn't feel right!

like i told my best friend last night, i feel like i got dumped! those teachers that i worked with, the school, the classroom, and ultimately those kids were what my life revolved around for the past 3 months. i got to know them and came to love them and think of them as my students. it was bittersweet to hand them back over to jean on monday. it was all such a huge chunk of my life, and now that it's over, i don't know what to do!

i spent most of sunday writing goodbye notes to all my students, and then distributed them on monday. most of them came up and gave me hugs and told me they were going to miss me. it was sad because they didn't really understand why i was leaving. however, it was so sweet just to know how much i meant to them!

after school monday i packed up my things, took a good look at the room, and walked out. i will be honest - it has been a long, hard semester. probably one of the hardest i have ever experienced. it has also been one of the most blessed semesters, and i have by FAR learned the most these past 12 weeks alone then i have learned in all the other semesters combined! stress levels went through the roof (going back to the doctor tomorrow to figure out what to do about my heart)! drama was plentiful, but it wasn't always bad ;) i was blessed with a patient mentor teacher who put up with my ridiculousness! when i came into the student teaching semester, i really didn't expect to make any friends. maybe because my mentor teacher from methods was not exactly my friend (don't get me wrong, she was great, but we were never really friends). but i walked away with a lot more friends! and obviously my mentor teacher is the best of the bunch! like i said, SO BLESSED!

here are some pictures i took of my corner on monday:

sad that it is my last day...and that i am about to tear down my "me" corner
my desk - it wasn't always this messy but i had already started to take things apart and move them around

my pictures that i feel do a good job of summing up the essence of me ;)

a bigger view of my corner. so messy right then!

and folks, that's it. what does my future hold? i don't know. but i was greatly encouraged today. i saw a verse in my mom's kitchen on a flip calendar, and it was from Psalms. it talked about how the Lord had every page of my life planned out before i was even a day old. that was just so reassuring - God knows what is going to happen next even if i don't! just because it appears to me that my life plans came to a screeching ugly halt does not mean they actually have. it just means i am very nearsighted. even though i don't see definite plans and i have no clue what is going on, God has definite plans for me and i don't have to have a clue right now. He can take care of it!

Thursday, 13 November 2008


my mom sent this visual DNA thing to me - you just pick pictures and it gives you a profile of your personality! it was fun! i think it was actually pretty accurate!

Mood: Dreamer - you're and adventurous person with a limitless imagination. you like space to think and see beauty even in the most inhospitable environments. when it comes to art, you find beauty in the world around you. nothing is more precious than natural treasures. as for music, it's the soundtrack to your world. an open road, your favorite tracks - just sit back, put your foot on the gas and enjoy!

Fun: Escape Artist - You love physical activity - you've got serious wanderlust. keeping a clear head and healthy body makes you ready for whatever life throws at you. for kicks, nothing beats being out in the open. you are fascinated by the world around you and love to immerse yourself in nature. when it comes to holidays, fun is top priority. you love it when everyones' having fun - a special magic time with treats and smiles all round. and what turns you off? you can't stand vanity. when you scratch beneath the surface you need to find something else.

Habits: New Wave Puritan - you appreciate the simplicity of nature and the beauty of the world around you. it's important to slow down and retreat from frenzy of life. your choice of drink shows that you care about your health and make sure that you're putting the right stuff in. as for the home, you're a bit of a traditionalist. it's not just about function - style is a definite priority.

Social: Fun - you don't like to take things too seriously. for your friendship is all about enjoying yourself and seeing the funny side of life. when you think of freedom - you think of living for the here and now. you're open to new experiences and take any opportunity that crosses your path.

so what do you think? me?

you should try fun!
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