Thursday, 30 October 2008

curious

does the president get to vote?

do the candidates get to vote for themselves?

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

aaaannnnd....i still don't know!

life is so crazy right now! i am having to learn to depend on God for every little thing! i don't know what i will do after i graduate. i don't know where i will live. where i will work. if i will have insurance. how to get it. if jose (my car) will live much longer. i don't know a single thing. to me, that's a little scary. it didn't get to me before, but now it's stressing me a bit. this constantly forces me to re-evaluate myself, my attitudes, my motivations, my actions. it makes me pray and i just have to trust that God will come through, because He always does! while it is hard to wait and see what is up and coming, it is also exciting just knowing that SOMETHING is coming! God is going to bless me somehow! and that makes the waiting more endurable.

money is so tight that i am just barely going to make it through student teaching! obviously when i live at home and have virtually no friends in the city, there is not a whole lot i want to be spending my money on. i mean, there are the obvious things (for me, music and plane tickets)...but they are not necessary. for example, i would love to fly to colorado next month for a friend's wedding, but can't afford to, unless some incredible last-minute-bargain-ultra-discount-uber-cheap-how-did-this-happen deal comes along. however, God has been so good to me in the financial realm! even though i don't have much, right now i don't need much. and He provided what i need! i have been tutoring one girl on thursday afternoons, making $30 for the hour i tutor her. i learned this morning that i now have another tutoring job lined up for another student, and will be making $30 for that hour of tutoring! so i am going to be making $60 a week now - that is double what i have made these past 2 weeks! :) as i said, God is good. He knows what i need and He provides!

i have had to sit back and evaluate myself a lot, especially today! i am beginning to wonder if i have somehow ruined my attitude on teaching - if it was a subconscious choice that soured the prospect. i don't remember what changed my mind, and i don't remember when it happened. i think a big thing for me was, when i started student teaching, i just didn't realize how much work went into teaching! sure, our profs told us all about it, but it wasn't a reality until it started CONSUMING MY LIFE. as education majors, i am sure we just sat in our seats and said "yes, i am sure it is time consuming and hard", but i don't think we got the message that "yes, it consumes most of your time and is the hardest job EVER." oh how we misunderstood! i think i was completely overwhelmed, and let myself panic. i didn't ask for help right away (read: i asked for help today...with 3.5 weeks to go...). i also need everything to be COMPLETELY ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUSLY ORGANIZED AND STRUCTURED. although jean's classroom and her management techniques are indeed organized and structured, i still don't think it is enough for me to function at full capacity. BUT, she has to run her classroom the way it works for her, NOT the way it will work for me! after all, i will not be in her classroom much longer! if i do teach, i will need to buy 2394898 of everything the container store has. i will need to label everything, make 973876 lists, and color code everything. i know, it sounds ridiculous, but i promise you i can't function otherwise.

on this note, if you have any strategies for how you keep your classroom organized, stay on task, not get behind, and not overwhelmed...PLEASE LET ME KNOW!


maybe, if i can figure out what happened, i can get back to where i was. i think i would enjoy teaching. i really think i could. ESPECIALLY if it was science! maybe i just freaked out. maybe i panicked. maybe i had a melt down. maybe i lost it. maybe i started doubting myself. i don't know. please pray as i prayerfully seek God's will in my life and what my future holds!

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

3 LITTLE WORDS

CRAZY SOCK DAY

i love this day

it's red ribbon week (drug awareness), and today was "sock it to drugs" day.

i totally ate it up.

my students either think i am completely awesome or a total lunatic. i'm fine with either ;)

tomorrow is wear a tie day.

this will be fun!

i have no clue how to tie a tie.

the following photos are inspired by my crazy sock wearing self.





aaaaand....jack got scared and wanted to be held....so i took pictures with him, too ;)

Saturday, 11 October 2008

bonsoir!

well, i have officially completed 7 weeks of student teaching! this past week was my first week of full responsibility, and i am relieved to say it went off without any major problems. i don't think i can take the credit for that, though - God has been so good to me! i only have 5 more weeks of student teaching and then....?????? this is where it really gets hard for me to trust the Lord. silly, but true. i just don't know what is going to happen. i don't even have a vague idea!

for the past month i have been involved in the church choir, and i have really enjoyed it. i didn't realize how much i missed singing with others who share the same passions for Christ, loving others, music and singing. until last weekend, though, i had only been going to practices - i wansn't ready to sing in church just yet. you see, my church, it's kinda big. i don't mind the lots of people thing. i've done that since i was 8. i was a little apprehensive about going up on stage because it is like announcing to everyone "hey, i am back! i DO live here...you just had no idea!" like i have said in previous posts, there are some people in this city who i would rather not run into - it would just be awkward with some of them, and possibly dangerous to meet one of them. one of the "awkward" people goes to my church, and happens to be best friends with "dangerous"...hence the fear of appearing on stage ("awkward" sees me, tells "dangerous", "dangerous" puts 2 and 2 together...)

things with jack have improved greatly! he acts completely normal, and as of thursday, we have been taking him on short walks and playing with him like usual. hopefully we can keep him from re-injuring his back. we don't know what happened before, but really, he is 5 and that is the first time we have had a problem with it.

i have realized i am really going to miss my students when i am done student teaching. they constantly make me laugh (which, if you know me, doesn't take much, but still...).

i ate at la madeline with my mom tonight - i ate a croque monsieur, which is something i haven't had since i was in france! needless to say, it wasn't as good, but it was still awesome! i also had ceasar salad and a french vanilla and fruit creme brulee dessert. i very much miss france.

Sunday, 5 October 2008

recent-ness

i figure i owe those of you who read this an update on my dog. he is doing well - still taking pain meds/anti-inflammatory pills. he is really smart about pills - he can find them when you hide them in food, so you have to be extra sneaky about it. i decided to get some hamburger meat, roll it into balls, and boil them so that they were little pill hiding meatballs. it's been about a week and it still works like a charm. am i a genius or what?!! ;) he seems to feel great, but that just makes it harder for me to keep him from running and jumping and playing. i am going to talk to the vet on monday and see what he says.

yesterday marked the halfway point of my student teaching semester! from here it is all down hill! i am really excited about this! i LOVE the teachers i work with - they are so fun and they think i am funny (i LOVE making people laugh!!!), and they are just great to hang around. i LOVE LOVE LOVE the kids, too! i think that is my favorite part about student teaching. students i like. teaching not so much. but that's ok. it does make it especially difficult for me since i am not 100% passionate about this. i have a routine every morning where i pray that the Lord would just use me to reach my students - to show them His love and grace and mercy and basically to be like Jesus. i also pray that He will remind me of what Ps. 118:24 says - "This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." i think this is my theme verse for the semester. God has given me each day of this semester. i need to take it and run with it! love like the Lord! act like the Lord! each day is a blessing, and if the Lord has made it, how could it be anything but good and blessed? i need to remember this otherwise i will walk into school with a bad attitude. the other thing i must do in the mornings is listen to KLOVE on my way to school. it helps me get my focus where it should be - on praising the Lord. then for the rest of the day i have a praise song stuck in my head and i can't stop singing or humming it...and therefore it's message is stuck in my mind as well. quite effectice.

another new development...i joined the choir at church! i have been going to rehearsals for about a month now and 2 weeks ago i decided to make it official! i absolutely love choir. i love music. i love singing. hands down, if i could do it all day, i would. tonight marked the first night that i sang in a service with the choir. before i was a little apprehensive because i didn't quite know the songs yet. i was also afraid that a certain person would see me and notify another certain person that i am singing in the choir and therefore must be back for good and then that person would try to contact me. i feel like i have made a huge progress in not letting those 2 people run my life anymore. although, i can't really take the credit for it - it's all God. He is gently showing me how ridiculous and foolish i can be.

i graduate in 2 months, my future is still up in the air, i will lose health insurance in 3 months, and sometimes i just feel like i am going to get left behind. i miss interactions with people my age, but at the same time i am almost glad that i don't have friends in sa because if i did i would never get to hang out with them (read: student teaching = time consuming).

through it all i must remember God is good God is good God is good God is good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He loves me. He wants the best for me. He has plans for me. He is giddy about the plans He has for me and waiting for me to stumble upon them is probably like Christmas morning for Him. He is merciful and forgiving and gracious. He will provide. He will sustain. He is enough. He is the only sure thing.
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