Thursday, 22 July 2010

Turtle Rescue!

This evening I decided to make a run to the dump. You see, when my trash bag overflows, I don't have a trash man to come take it away for me. I get to drive it to the camp dump! It's no big deal, really, but I'm lazy.

As I was driving along the road to go back home, I saw something moving ever so slowly across the road. I was still a ways off, so I wasn't too sure what it was. Skunk? Armadillo? Chupacabra?

Nope.

Turtle.

Turtle?! What the heck?! What is he doing on this blazing dirt road in the hottest part of the day? I mean, you could practically see the heat radiating off the road through his shell cooking his insides! So I did what any normal person would do.

I stopped and got out. And went over to him. And started talking to him. "Hi! What on earth are you thinking?! Well, I'm going to save you."

I slowly and gently picked him up. He retreated into his shell as quickly as he could, and proceeded to release all the liquid from inside said shell onto my leg. I screamed a little, but held on tight (what kind of rescuer would I be if I dropped him?!). I then put him in the front seat of Jose (my car, btw), steadied Pete (did I tell you? That's his name. I decided.) with one hand, and slowly drove down to the river.

When we reached the river, I picked Pete back up and told him that I was going to put him back in the water where he belongs and his poor little reptile brain was fried from overexposure to UV rays, so he should probably get that checked out.

I set him on the edge of the water so that he was in deep enough for the refreshing chill of the river to get inside his shell. Ever so slowly he poked his head out, looking for his new bff (read: terrifying giant being who subjected him to the bumpiest ride of his life and wouldn't. shut. up.). He knew I was going to wait until he was safe in the water, because we were tight like that. And as he swam off into the mossy sunset, I waved goodbye.

It occurred to me while I was escorting him home that he may have known precisely where he was going. And I may have totally ruined his evening. Buuuut...I'm banking on the confused-helpless-turtle-needing-a-friend theory.

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

The Changing Tides

It's been a while since I've posted last. Probably because life has kicked into high gear and some things I have just not been sure how to handle. And I most certainly didn't feel like blogging about them. But then I wasn't much in the mood to talk about anything else, either.

So here I sit, ready to enter the blogging world yet again.

Life has just been ridiculous lately. And I mean ridiculous.

And not even necessarily in the bad way (not all the time, at least), just in the...ridiculous way. In fact, things are much better today than they were when I last posted.

You see that little countdown ticker thing up at the top of my blog? You see how it says "1 month to go!"?! I get to marry the love of my life in exactly ONE MONTH! How the heck did we reach this point already? I mean, it feels like we have been engaged FOREVER and like it has taken such a long time to get here, but at the same time it feels like it has just flown by.

My life is very scheduled up until the wedding. I have a lot to do and to take care of before the wedding. Every weekend is pretty much booked solid. Maybe even overbooked. And during the weeks, well, I work.

I am so ready to marry Matt! Forgive the excessive gushing. I am just so pumped, and it's hard to think of much else!

Sunday, 11 July 2010

Despair

Guys, I am probably the worst person in the world when it comes to getting discouraged easily (or best? Whichever means I do that. A lot).

Life is hard. Everyone knows this. It's not a shocking fact that t-boned me like a drunk driver from out of nowhere. But it just.keeps.getting.harder. Or at least parts of it do. But I feel like for a while now it has just been one thing after another knocking me down.

It's like being in the ocean during a storm (or at least, I believe it is...I've never personally experienced that, thankfully). You get knocked under by some crazy waves. When you finally orient yourself well enough to come back up to the surface to breathe, you get knocked back under by another wave. And another. That's how I feel at this point, and that is when I start to lose hope.

At this point (because I am just weary), I find hope something rather difficult to come by. I automatically start thinking of what is wrong and why it is wrong and how long it has been wrong and why it is still not better. And I look at the situation and don't see how it could possibly change for the better.

I don't necessarily walk around with a raincloud above my head or anything, but I think about it a lot.

Matt has done a good job at comforting me and reassuring me that there is hope (even things are rough for him, as well). And I have a loving family and loving friends who care about me. And I am so thankful.

I'm really not writing this to complain. Actually, the point was just to admit what a lousy job I do of not despairing when things get really hard. And it's not really something that I am proud of.

This morning I read Psalm 6, and I felt like I could have written it. I don't really think it's wrong to feel the way I do. I do kinda think it is wrong to continue to feel this way and not allow the Lord to come in and do some healing. I don't know how long the turnaround was, but Psalm 9 is a much more joyful Psalm. I think it is ok for me to go through a valley, because at some point, I have to come back out. And then I will have even more to praise the Lord for. I think that was my point.

Friday, 9 July 2010

Nine

July 9, 2010

18 months ago today I was interviewed for my job at Redcloud.

17 months ago today I moved up to Colorado to work at Redcloud. I met Matt that day.

10 months ago today Matt and I started dating.

8 months ago today I moved out to CE and Matt drove back to PA.

6 months ago today Matt gave me pearls for my birthday.

:)

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Dancing Yogas!

I feel rather accomplished today. It was a pretty productive day at work - I am revamping the lesson plans for our OE program, and I feel like it is coming along very nicely.

After work, I came home and had a 45 minute dance party with my good friends Jason Derulo, Jay Sean, Black Eyed Peas, and Cobra Starship. My AC is still broken, so it was hot. And awesome. I think I worked out all major muscle groups. And I must say. I'm pretty sure I can DANCE. I mean, I'm no Robert Muraine, but I bet you if I had a choreographer, I could hop on into any HSM production and not ruin it.

Nobody really knows how much I like to dance. I think my office mates have begun to get an idea because I often dance at my desk as I type (I told you. I'm talented). But I LOVE it. It's really fun!

After the crazy dance party, I did yoga with some friends. We decided to step it up to level 3 (from level 2). It was harder for sure, but super fun. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. And I was impressed with my skillz. I have gained a level of flexibility that I have never attained in my life until now. And I am building strength and balance. I love it!

Like I said. I feel accomplished today. Let's see how tomorrow plays out.

Monday, 5 July 2010

Jalapeno Facial

Have you ever had one? I wouldn't recommend it.

I helped make dinner tonight - fancy hamburgers. We had the works - grilled bell peppers and onions, sauteed mushrooms, provolone cheese, queso, bacon, avocado...and grilled jalapeno peppers, to name a few. My job for the evening? Cutting all those delicious (and not so delicious (mushrooms! sick!)) veggies.

I was awesome. I was like Samurai Mince-a-Lot! Trained by monks in Japan, I have perfected the art of samurai kitchen finesse. (OK, so that last part is a total lie...)
I was totally cranking out the vegetables!

Then I got to the jalapenos. I don't mind jalapenos. In fact, I often enjoy eating them! But as I tired, my samurai mind wandered, and I stopped paying as much attention to what I was doing. I rubbed my nose. It caught on fire.

30 minutes later, after multiple hand rinsings and an avocado hand treatment (read - slicing 3 large avocados - one of which was not at all cooperative), I rubbed my eye. I think a volcano erupted in my cornea.

Then another 30 minutes later - after dinner, mind you - I licked my finger to get something off it (ice cream? I don't remember), and spontaneous combustion occurred in both my lips and the tip of my tongue. I remembered immediately that it was the exact finger I had used to "gut" the jalapenos. Nevermind that I had rinsed my hands multiples times AND eaten dinner (with my hands) and had no problems there!

Suffice it to say, I left the kitchen feeling as if nothing short of my face being covered by ice cubes (Sonic ice, preferably) would remedy the situation. Thankfully, here I sit a good 4 hours later and the only thing that still burns is my eyes. Or maybe that's because I'm exhausted?

Thursday, 1 July 2010

How I Am Like a Smoothie

I'm not going to lie. My life is a complete roller coaster right now, and it is one of the most unfun rides I have ever been on. I am not really at liberty to discuss what is going on here on my blog (but if you don't know what is going on and you really want to know, facebook me or something), but I AM at liberty to vomit my feelings into my blog.

I am not usually good at expressing any feelings other than anger and happiness. For some reason, I have always viewed sorrow as a weakness and a vulnerability. To reveal my weaknesses was to take a bigger risk than I was willing. But I'm getting better.

Now, I'm not going to go into a deep psychological and emotional evaluation of myself or anything. But I do think it is...interesting...how differently each person deals with trauma.

I don't really know what to feel right now. Or what I am feeling. Maybe it's because there really isn't just one thing. It's about a million things all at once, crashing my emotional capacity.

I'm mad.
I'm confused.
Baffled, really.
I'm in shock.
I'm grieving.
I'm numb.

I'm kind of like a great big smoothie of emotions. I know that doesn't make a lot of sense, so let me explain. Each of those emotions can represent a fruit. Well, I feel like all of them have been thrown in a blender and mixed together (in a violent manner, mind you) so that you can no longer separate one from another.

I feel like no one knows what I need. And like no one understands what I am going through. I don't want to be alone but I don't really enjoy being around other people. I don't want everyone to be sad but I get annoyed with people for being so darn happy and carefree.

And sometimes I wish that Matt had a normal job. A job where he was done at 5 and could come hold me until things get better.

I have to believe that somewhere in all this, God has a purpose. And somewhere in all this, something good will come of it.

I'm not trying to complain, really. I just need an outlet. And right this moment, this is all I have.
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