Despair
Guys, I am probably the worst person in the world when it comes to getting discouraged easily (or best? Whichever means I do that. A lot).
Life is hard. Everyone knows this. It's not a shocking fact that t-boned me like a drunk driver from out of nowhere. But it just.keeps.getting.harder. Or at least parts of it do. But I feel like for a while now it has just been one thing after another knocking me down.
It's like being in the ocean during a storm (or at least, I believe it is...I've never personally experienced that, thankfully). You get knocked under by some crazy waves. When you finally orient yourself well enough to come back up to the surface to breathe, you get knocked back under by another wave. And another. That's how I feel at this point, and that is when I start to lose hope.
At this point (because I am just weary), I find hope something rather difficult to come by. I automatically start thinking of what is wrong and why it is wrong and how long it has been wrong and why it is still not better. And I look at the situation and don't see how it could possibly change for the better.
I don't necessarily walk around with a raincloud above my head or anything, but I think about it a lot.
Matt has done a good job at comforting me and reassuring me that there is hope (even things are rough for him, as well). And I have a loving family and loving friends who care about me. And I am so thankful.
I'm really not writing this to complain. Actually, the point was just to admit what a lousy job I do of not despairing when things get really hard. And it's not really something that I am proud of.
This morning I read Psalm 6, and I felt like I could have written it. I don't really think it's wrong to feel the way I do. I do kinda think it is wrong to continue to feel this way and not allow the Lord to come in and do some healing. I don't know how long the turnaround was, but Psalm 9 is a much more joyful Psalm. I think it is ok for me to go through a valley, because at some point, I have to come back out. And then I will have even more to praise the Lord for. I think that was my point.
Life is hard. Everyone knows this. It's not a shocking fact that t-boned me like a drunk driver from out of nowhere. But it just.keeps.getting.harder. Or at least parts of it do. But I feel like for a while now it has just been one thing after another knocking me down.
It's like being in the ocean during a storm (or at least, I believe it is...I've never personally experienced that, thankfully). You get knocked under by some crazy waves. When you finally orient yourself well enough to come back up to the surface to breathe, you get knocked back under by another wave. And another. That's how I feel at this point, and that is when I start to lose hope.
At this point (because I am just weary), I find hope something rather difficult to come by. I automatically start thinking of what is wrong and why it is wrong and how long it has been wrong and why it is still not better. And I look at the situation and don't see how it could possibly change for the better.
I don't necessarily walk around with a raincloud above my head or anything, but I think about it a lot.
Matt has done a good job at comforting me and reassuring me that there is hope (even things are rough for him, as well). And I have a loving family and loving friends who care about me. And I am so thankful.
I'm really not writing this to complain. Actually, the point was just to admit what a lousy job I do of not despairing when things get really hard. And it's not really something that I am proud of.
This morning I read Psalm 6, and I felt like I could have written it. I don't really think it's wrong to feel the way I do. I do kinda think it is wrong to continue to feel this way and not allow the Lord to come in and do some healing. I don't know how long the turnaround was, but Psalm 9 is a much more joyful Psalm. I think it is ok for me to go through a valley, because at some point, I have to come back out. And then I will have even more to praise the Lord for. I think that was my point.
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