An Anniversary of Sorts
It's not really an anniversary that one would celebrate, but it is one that is as impossible to ignore as snow on a hot July afternoon. Six months. That's what today marks. Six months ago we lost our jobs and our home.
Six months of living with my parents.
Six months of not knowing where most of our clothing or belongings are.
Six months in a city we don't love.
Six months in a city where we have no friends.
And for me, six months of unemployment.
I've had plenty of time to think, evaluate, re-evaluate, and re-re-evaluate. I've questioned my abilities and my worth. I've questioned God and His plan and even His intentions. I've debated what forgiveness is and what it should look like in my situation. And recently, for the first time, I have been able to let go of the hurt, anger, bitterness, sorrow, and pain caused by the actions of friends and former employers. Of course, this is an almost daily practice, but it's progress. And it feels good.
Aside from the occasional substitute teaching jobs at a private school, I have been unable to find steady employment. Don't get me wrong - I loved the subbing jobs. I loved working with kids and being back in the classroom. And the school? Wonderful. But subbing for one school alone doesn't pay the bills and now that summer is here, my small paychecks have ceased to exist.
It's really quite frustrating and discouraging to go so long without a steady job. After all, I have a fancy piece of paper that says I have a good education and am skilled in a veritable career. I also have a certification from the State Board, reaffirming the fact. So why on Earth do I not have a job yet? I've tried almost everything. I've put out almost fifty applications in the past week alone (many of those in person). I spend 6-8 hours a day searching, calling, emailing, driving, applying...all to no avail. It's hard not to get discouraged, but giving up just isn't an option.
I'm hopeful that God will provide soon. I'm hopeful that Matt and I will be in our own place on our first wedding anniversary.
A lot has changed in me these past six months. I can hardly believe it's been half a year. I still can't say why God has allowed this to happen or why He has allowed it to continue for so long. I can't tell you what His plans are or what His will is. But I can tell you that He is faithful and good. And even when I don't feel those things, I know those things.
Six months of living with my parents.
Six months of not knowing where most of our clothing or belongings are.
Six months in a city we don't love.
Six months in a city where we have no friends.
And for me, six months of unemployment.
I've had plenty of time to think, evaluate, re-evaluate, and re-re-evaluate. I've questioned my abilities and my worth. I've questioned God and His plan and even His intentions. I've debated what forgiveness is and what it should look like in my situation. And recently, for the first time, I have been able to let go of the hurt, anger, bitterness, sorrow, and pain caused by the actions of friends and former employers. Of course, this is an almost daily practice, but it's progress. And it feels good.
Aside from the occasional substitute teaching jobs at a private school, I have been unable to find steady employment. Don't get me wrong - I loved the subbing jobs. I loved working with kids and being back in the classroom. And the school? Wonderful. But subbing for one school alone doesn't pay the bills and now that summer is here, my small paychecks have ceased to exist.
It's really quite frustrating and discouraging to go so long without a steady job. After all, I have a fancy piece of paper that says I have a good education and am skilled in a veritable career. I also have a certification from the State Board, reaffirming the fact. So why on Earth do I not have a job yet? I've tried almost everything. I've put out almost fifty applications in the past week alone (many of those in person). I spend 6-8 hours a day searching, calling, emailing, driving, applying...all to no avail. It's hard not to get discouraged, but giving up just isn't an option.
I'm hopeful that God will provide soon. I'm hopeful that Matt and I will be in our own place on our first wedding anniversary.
A lot has changed in me these past six months. I can hardly believe it's been half a year. I still can't say why God has allowed this to happen or why He has allowed it to continue for so long. I can't tell you what His plans are or what His will is. But I can tell you that He is faithful and good. And even when I don't feel those things, I know those things.
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