Shaking the Dust
The aesthetic changing of this blog is a somewhat "public" representation of the changes that I have chosen to make in my own life. It's been two months since we lost our jobs and I've had plenty of time to just sit and think. And believe me, I have. I've done some soul searching. I've been reading Shauna Niequist's book, Bittersweet. And you know what? I'm ready for that fresh start.
Matt and I went to some counseling at our church to help us through the numerous "grown up" decisions we were abruptly presented with and clearly not prepared to handle. The counseling was very helpful in that not only were we given wise counsel and a listening ear, but our counselor also gave us legit personality assessments to help us figure out who we are, how we function, and why we function the way we do. This has enabled us to somewhat "study" one another and figure out one another's needs better than just guesswork. It also gave us plenty of insight into the communication styles and needs the other has, and how to better meet them. That being said, I'm learning a lot about myself, as well as Matt, and I like it. I feel as if the past two months have been a whirlwind of self discovery (among many other things).
One thing that I want to avoid from now on is focusing on the past and our losses. I won't pretend that I'm completely over it. Let's be honest, losing both jobs and our home as newlyweds was terrible. Add to that the loss of a community that we dearly loved and it was completely devastating. At first I was just in complete and utter shock. I could hardly believe the bombshell that was delivered to my husband and I. After the shock came grief. I cried every single day and had trouble sleeping at night. There was no light in my eyes and no bounce in my step. Following the grief, anger. I was furious. I couldn't wrap my head around the possibility that people who profess Christ as their Lord and Savior could treat fellow believers (or anyone, really) in such an unloving manner. There is no way around it - the way things were handled were so, so wrong. I'm still disgusted by the decisions and actions of certain individuals (not everyone). And I'm still mad about the injustices of the situation. I know I didn't deserve that.
But you know what? It's over. It's done. It isn't going to change. And I'm really and truly fine with that.
I don't want to look back anymore. Jesus instructed His disciples to literally shake the dust from their feet when they left a town that rejected them (Matthew 10:14 and Luke 9:5). While the situations are a little different, the overall message is the same. So this post is me finally shaking the last bit of dust from my feet. I don't want it to be an over-arching theme in posts. I don't want it to be what defines me to the rest of the blogging world.
So I'm choosing to look forward. I'm choosing to focus on other things. It might pop up from time to time because, like I said, it was a big deal. And I'm sure it will affect things down the road. But I don't want my blog to be a depressing place. That's just not who I am.
Matt and I went to some counseling at our church to help us through the numerous "grown up" decisions we were abruptly presented with and clearly not prepared to handle. The counseling was very helpful in that not only were we given wise counsel and a listening ear, but our counselor also gave us legit personality assessments to help us figure out who we are, how we function, and why we function the way we do. This has enabled us to somewhat "study" one another and figure out one another's needs better than just guesswork. It also gave us plenty of insight into the communication styles and needs the other has, and how to better meet them. That being said, I'm learning a lot about myself, as well as Matt, and I like it. I feel as if the past two months have been a whirlwind of self discovery (among many other things).
One thing that I want to avoid from now on is focusing on the past and our losses. I won't pretend that I'm completely over it. Let's be honest, losing both jobs and our home as newlyweds was terrible. Add to that the loss of a community that we dearly loved and it was completely devastating. At first I was just in complete and utter shock. I could hardly believe the bombshell that was delivered to my husband and I. After the shock came grief. I cried every single day and had trouble sleeping at night. There was no light in my eyes and no bounce in my step. Following the grief, anger. I was furious. I couldn't wrap my head around the possibility that people who profess Christ as their Lord and Savior could treat fellow believers (or anyone, really) in such an unloving manner. There is no way around it - the way things were handled were so, so wrong. I'm still disgusted by the decisions and actions of certain individuals (not everyone). And I'm still mad about the injustices of the situation. I know I didn't deserve that.
But you know what? It's over. It's done. It isn't going to change. And I'm really and truly fine with that.
I don't want to look back anymore. Jesus instructed His disciples to literally shake the dust from their feet when they left a town that rejected them (Matthew 10:14 and Luke 9:5). While the situations are a little different, the overall message is the same. So this post is me finally shaking the last bit of dust from my feet. I don't want it to be an over-arching theme in posts. I don't want it to be what defines me to the rest of the blogging world.
So I'm choosing to look forward. I'm choosing to focus on other things. It might pop up from time to time because, like I said, it was a big deal. And I'm sure it will affect things down the road. But I don't want my blog to be a depressing place. That's just not who I am.
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