On Wanting Justice and Revenge
You know, I've had a lot of conflicting thoughts and feelings about Matt and I losing our jobs and the people that put us in our situation over the past four months. Something that I've really been wrestling with the past month or so, though, is my desire for justice.
Honestly? My human nature wants revenge. My human nature wants to see justice served. I'm not proud of it, but my human nature wants to see them suffer for putting my husband and I through this (and not only us, but my entire family). At times, I've wanted to see or hear that the people responsible are having to pay, one way or another, for what they did. I don't want to be the one causing the pain or taking revenge, though. I want to see God smite the crap out of them. I'm not proud of these things. It's not easy for me to admit. After all, they were people who I used to call "friend". And really, it is not Christlike. Or okay. At all.
A few weeks ago Nick Vujicic came to speak at my church and he delivered quite a powerful message. During his message, he said something about justice vs. grace in light of the cross. And it got me thinking. I am in no way perfect. I know this. I'll be the first to admit this. And when I do something worthy of the wrath of God or others, I really just want forgiveness. ("Please don't hate me! Don't be mad! What are you going to do to me? Are we still friends? Hello...?!") But when the individuals at camp wronged me, I didn't want them to receive grace or mercy. Heck no! I wanted judgment to rain down on them.
Is anyone other than me seeing the serious disconnect here? I mean...it's a problem. You could argue that usually my trespasses don't involve simultaneously firing and kicking newlyweds out of their home all in the same day in the span of 10 minutes with no warning right before their very first married Christmas (and that would be true...) (taking a breath), but God is quite clear that sin is sin. So whether it's me getting frustrated and snapping at my husband or the aforementioned actions, both are worthy of God's wrath and eternal separation. You know, without Christ and the cross. Thankfully because of what Christ did for us on the cross (i.e. paying the price for all our sins EVAR), there are these awesome things called grace and mercy. Mercy being that we don't get all the bad things we deserve, and grace being getting wonderful things that we don't deserve. And if you call Jesus Christ your Lord and Saviour, He is not selective in giving out said grace and mercy. Aaand as a Christian, or Christ-follower, I can't be selective either.
But here's the thing - I'm having a little trouble figuring out what forgiveness looks like in this situation. Is it acting like nothing ever happened and like nothing is wrong? That nothing is damaged or broken? Because things DID happen and things are not totally okay. I really, truly do not have any clue what forgiveness looks like in this situation.
So. Let's recap. I want justice. I know I shouldn't. I know I should forgive. And offer grace and mercy. I want to do the right thing. I really do. But I don't know what it looks like. So I'm a bit stuck.
Yep, I think that about covers it.
Honestly? My human nature wants revenge. My human nature wants to see justice served. I'm not proud of it, but my human nature wants to see them suffer for putting my husband and I through this (and not only us, but my entire family). At times, I've wanted to see or hear that the people responsible are having to pay, one way or another, for what they did. I don't want to be the one causing the pain or taking revenge, though. I want to see God smite the crap out of them. I'm not proud of these things. It's not easy for me to admit. After all, they were people who I used to call "friend". And really, it is not Christlike. Or okay. At all.
A few weeks ago Nick Vujicic came to speak at my church and he delivered quite a powerful message. During his message, he said something about justice vs. grace in light of the cross. And it got me thinking. I am in no way perfect. I know this. I'll be the first to admit this. And when I do something worthy of the wrath of God or others, I really just want forgiveness. ("Please don't hate me! Don't be mad! What are you going to do to me? Are we still friends? Hello...?!") But when the individuals at camp wronged me, I didn't want them to receive grace or mercy. Heck no! I wanted judgment to rain down on them.
Is anyone other than me seeing the serious disconnect here? I mean...it's a problem. You could argue that usually my trespasses don't involve simultaneously firing and kicking newlyweds out of their home all in the same day in the span of 10 minutes with no warning right before their very first married Christmas (and that would be true...) (taking a breath), but God is quite clear that sin is sin. So whether it's me getting frustrated and snapping at my husband or the aforementioned actions, both are worthy of God's wrath and eternal separation. You know, without Christ and the cross. Thankfully because of what Christ did for us on the cross (i.e. paying the price for all our sins EVAR), there are these awesome things called grace and mercy. Mercy being that we don't get all the bad things we deserve, and grace being getting wonderful things that we don't deserve. And if you call Jesus Christ your Lord and Saviour, He is not selective in giving out said grace and mercy. Aaand as a Christian, or Christ-follower, I can't be selective either.
But here's the thing - I'm having a little trouble figuring out what forgiveness looks like in this situation. Is it acting like nothing ever happened and like nothing is wrong? That nothing is damaged or broken? Because things DID happen and things are not totally okay. I really, truly do not have any clue what forgiveness looks like in this situation.
So. Let's recap. I want justice. I know I shouldn't. I know I should forgive. And offer grace and mercy. I want to do the right thing. I really do. But I don't know what it looks like. So I'm a bit stuck.
Yep, I think that about covers it.
Comments
As forgiveness was once explained to me (by someone I later had to forgive, MAJORLY-- how ironic) is that you no longer hold the other party accountable for cleaning up the mess they caused. You still say, "hey, what you did? that sucked and you made this big mess, see!" but then you say, "but I won't ask God to make you clean it up, I will take that burden and let you go."