Revisiting Bittersweet
Ahh summertime. Lazy days spent reading by the pool, whipping up the latest recipe I've found on Pinterest, preparing for the upcoming school year, and perfecting Zumba routines. That is this summer in a nutshell.
Last summer, Matt and I had passes to Six Flags, and it became our second home for the summer. Our third home was the neighborhood pool. I didn't have a job, and I was still on the lookout for something to pay the bills.
There are a lot of similarities between last summer and this summer. Downtime. Heat. Pools. Reading. And a lot of time for reflection.
Last spring I was deeply hurt and desperately searching for answers after the loss of our jobs and home in December. I read a book called "Bittersweet" and it really spoke to the broken pieces of my heart (you can find the review I posted here). This summer, with so much time on my hands, I find myself thinking a lot about what was. What has been. What will never be, and what might be. And I decided it was a good time to revisit that book.
Something I have learned about myself is that I am a slow healer. I thought I was stronger. I thought I healed quickly. I thought I could just bounce back from anything - nothing could keep me down for long! But I was deceiving myself. And I think my reluctance to admit that I needed more time to heal, that everything was okay probably slowed me down a bit more. I don't want to downplay the whole experience. After all, it was a big hurt. But I think my heart is finally ready. I've made so much progress, and I think it's time for the final push.
Last summer, Matt and I had passes to Six Flags, and it became our second home for the summer. Our third home was the neighborhood pool. I didn't have a job, and I was still on the lookout for something to pay the bills.
There are a lot of similarities between last summer and this summer. Downtime. Heat. Pools. Reading. And a lot of time for reflection.
Last spring I was deeply hurt and desperately searching for answers after the loss of our jobs and home in December. I read a book called "Bittersweet" and it really spoke to the broken pieces of my heart (you can find the review I posted here). This summer, with so much time on my hands, I find myself thinking a lot about what was. What has been. What will never be, and what might be. And I decided it was a good time to revisit that book.
"The idea of bittersweet is changing the way I live, unraveling and re-weaving the way I understand life. Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a sliver of lightness on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness.
Bittersweet is the practice of believing that we really do need both the bitter and the sweet, and that a life of nothing but sweetness rots both your teeth and your soul. Bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces and the calluses on our hands. Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, and earthy.
...The central image of the Christian faith is death and rebirth; the core of it all, over and over again, is death and rebirth...When you haven't yet had your heart really broken, the gospel isn't about death and rebirth. It's about life and more life. It's about hope and possibility and a brighter future. And it is, certainly, about those things.
But when you've faced some kind of death - the loss of someone you loved dearly, the failure of a dream, the fracture of a relationship - that's when you start understanding that central metaphor. When your life is easy, a lot of the really crucial parts of Christian doctrine and life are nice theories, but you don't really need them. When, however, death of any kind is staring you in the face, all of a sudden rebirth and new life are very, very important to you.
...I've begun to train my eyes for rebirth, like looking for buds on branches after an endlessly long winter. I know that death is real, and I trust that rebirth is real, too."
-Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet
Something I have learned about myself is that I am a slow healer. I thought I was stronger. I thought I healed quickly. I thought I could just bounce back from anything - nothing could keep me down for long! But I was deceiving myself. And I think my reluctance to admit that I needed more time to heal, that everything was okay probably slowed me down a bit more. I don't want to downplay the whole experience. After all, it was a big hurt. But I think my heart is finally ready. I've made so much progress, and I think it's time for the final push.
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